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I probably fooled around and made out with around six women in college. My husband and I have never strayed, but we did have a hot-tub party where I kissed girls. Evening out dancing and going home, regrettably sans-female companionship.

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My buddy was giving me a ride. I cannot remember the conversation up to that point, but I told him to lick me raw. So we went into a house under construction and traded oral sex on a large bolt of insulation still wrapped in plastic. Just going at it. He started on me first.

I kept trying to imagine it was one of the girls I was interested in at the time. Working the fantasy. Instead, too much teeth. Also razor stubble was a fantasy breaker. My turn: Not as gross as I thought it would be; rather, I thought I did a very good job, trying to reproduce what I like. My one and only experience. Just not for me. We remained friends. He approached me a couple of times more but took the rejection well.

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The ultimate sleepover. That made me think I was exclusively gay. So I was really excited to go off to college in London and experiment. At first, I only hooked up with men. My first boyfriend — when I was 18 — was a year-old professor. For me, a long-term, live-in relationship with a woman is like the ultimate sleepover for the chatty, sensitive little boy I was. I sometimes kiss guys at clubs and trade videos with gay friends. My girlfriend and I talk about it. I was the token straight girl. I was a serious feminist and lefty at Harvard, and I thought it would be so great if I were a lesbian, too.

I had a lot of political and theoretical interest in it.

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I did get a lot of crushes on power dykes in the lefty community. In my senior year, I was the token straight girl volunteering for a sexual orientation support group and ended up having a fling with a lesbian there. But I more or less concluded that I preferred boys. When I tried dating girls after that, I would end up sleeping with their brothers and stuff like that.

I dated a lot of men and eventually married a man and had children.


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A lot of my sex with men felt like play-acting. Then, in my 40s, I fell in love with my best friend and we left our husbands for each other. Sexually, being with a woman is way better in every possible way for me. She ruined me. I went to one of the Seven Sisters schools, and had all these powerful female professors — some of them nuns.


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  8. Half the bathroom graffiti was about dykes. When I was 20, I met Lanie. I thought she was fantastic.

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    So funny, smart, and beautiful — a tall, lanky, dark-haired Italian beauty. Our first kiss was in the rain, so romantic. I think she walked me home that evening and we kissed in a doorway. I can remember the light above. I liked her so much. Everyone should have a first love like that. Part of me thinks that, even now, at 52, it could still happen with a woman. It just never did again.

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    She ruined me for life. She taught me how to put on lipstick. In grad school, I had a friendship with a lesbian that veered into romance. She had a fantastic sense of humor and literary talent, and that was appealing. Also, she was very slim, which has always been an elusive goal of mine. A fun game that we shared. I was the top of the food chain. That community felt very comfortable for me. Sisterhood and all of that. And bartenders were at the top of the food chain, so I got a lot of attention I might not have otherwise gotten. According to new research by Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist at Brock University in Canada, gay men tend to have older brothers.

    Indeed, the more biological older brothers a man has, the greater his likelihood of being gay. This leads Bogaert to conclude that a man's sexual orientation is influenced by the conditions in his mother's womb when he was a foetus; with successive male children triggering changes in the mother's body that increase the chances that subsequent male children will be gay. This so-called fraternal gay birth effect creates a prenatal environment that fosters homosexuality in younger sons.

    Nice theory, shame about the exceptions. Oh well, never mind. There are bound to be exceptions. Just because I don't personally fit his theory doesn't automatically invalidate it. If Bogaert is saying that birth order may be a factor that influences sexual orientation, I have no problem with that.

    His research does, indeed, suggest that the order of male birth may impact on whether a man is gay or not. But impacting or influencing sexuality is not the same as causing or determining it. Something as complex and pivotal as human emotional and sexual life is bound to evolve from a multiplicity of factors, rather than from any single, simple origin. Bogaert's research is the latest in a long line of theses that argue people are "born gay". They posit sexuality as being a biological given.

    Other biological determinist models of gayness suggest that same-sex attraction is largely or entirely determined by our genes and hormonal influences in the womb. It is an innate desire, fixed at birth. Forget Freudian theory and all the other psycho-babble. Biology is destiny. Their book is easily the best summary of evidence from dozens of biological studies into the causes and correlates of homosexuality. They conclude that sexual orientation is overwhelmingly innate. Social or family influences have little or no impact. Blaming parents and childhood upbringing for a child's gayness is mistaken and unfair.

    The idea that people become gay by seduction or choice is, they say, not supported by scientific research and empirical evidence. I agree. Q: I'm gay and have been dating a guy for ten months. He's great overall, and I would say for the most part we both want it to work out. But I am having a problem with his friends and other lifestyle choices. All of his friends are straight, and almost all of them are women.

    He makes dinner plans for us with his straight friends almost every week, and I grin and bear it. They're always old coworkers, so the whole conversation is them talking about old times or straighty talk about their children. It's incredibly boring. He's met my friends, and he likes some of them but dislikes others. It's obvious that he is not comfortable relating to gay men, generally speaking.

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